2009: An Asian Odyssey

Mud Fest – Part 2 August 1, 2009

Have you ever had a really good idea that ended up being a terrible idea in retrospect?

I’ve had lots of them. Lots and lots.

Well this is a story about the exact opposite. A really bad idea that turned into one of the more memorable nights I’ve had here in Korea.

The story you’re about to read took place after the busy day and night that I just described in my previous post. As I mentioned at the conclusion, we were headed back to our hotel and debating whether to turn in for the night.  Katie decided to go to bed as she had a headache, but Kirsten, Darren and I decided to sit on the couch in the lobby of our Minbak (hotel) and pretend to be security. Keep in mind that there’s no front desk, no security, nothing. Just a couch and a flight of stairs.

We grabbed some drinks, set up shop on the couch, and started asking people for ID as they entered. We informed them that we had been hired by our tour group to provide late night security to ensure the safety of all participants. Most people walked by and laughed. Some people obliged and showed ID (while I made them hold my beer), and some even turned around in embarasssment as they were clearly trying to sneak in. Nevermind that we were slurring our words and had trouble walking straight, we provided our tour group and the community with a valuable service.

Kirsten eventually grew tired of the charade and retired to the (dis)comfort of our Minbak floor. Not sure what time it is at this point, but my guess would be sometime between 2am and who the hell knows. Darren and I weren’t quite ready to call it a night, so we headed to the Family Mart, but made a quick stop on a restaurant patio to arm wrestle a small group of Koreans. I wish I could remember more details, but I’m pretty sure I beat one of the girls and Darren beat her boyfriend. It didn’t matter though, we were all winners.

After grabbing some beers and listening to some Canadian tell us about the lung surgery he had in Korea, we started back to our couch when we both suddenly stopped dead in our tracks.

It was one of those moments when neither of us had to say a word. It was destiny. We ended up in that exact place at that moment in time for a reason.

Neatly parked amongst some cars on the side of the road was some sort of golf cart/bicycle. It’s difficult to describe so here’s a picture.

I still don’t really know what it is, but I’m buying one as soon as I find out where they sell them. In our minds, it was our “car” as we had no idea what else to call it, and  referred to it as such for the remainder of the night…err, morning.

When we first hoped aboard and took off, I remembered thinking there was no way this joy ride would last more than 30 seconds. I fully expected the “car’s” rightful owner to come running out and apprehend us. Once we made it a few blocks away from the scene of the crime, I remembered thinking that this place was crawling with cops and there’s no way our joy ride would last more than 5 minutes.

Of course, less than a few minutes later we approached a couple officers questioning some Koreans on the side of the road. We maintained as low a profile as 2 foreigners driving a golf cart/bicycle at 3am can, and drove right by. The entire group looked right at us and went right back to discussing the issue at hand.

At this point, we knew we were in the clear. We were absolutely giddy…and thirsty. After a brief pitstop to refuel, we mounted our trusty steed and set out on our next adventure.

After touring the neighbourhood for a while and showing off our new ride, we arrived at the top of a hill and immediately started downward. There was a light drizzle so the roads were wet and slippery. About the midway down the hill as we approached an intersection with cars still out and about, we made a horrible discovery – we didn’t know how to use the brakes. We were so excited with our new toy that neither of us had bothered to research this rather vital feature.

As we picked up speed and headed for the criss-crossing traffic ahead, we had a minor communication breakdown. As you can see from the picture, the “car” has a very narrow wheelbase and both steering wheels operate independently of each other. So basically each steering wheel controls the front wheel on their respective side of the vehicle. Therefore, its important for both parties to be on the same page when making decisions at high speeds.

I had intended to sail through the intersection and hope for the best, whereas Darren had other ideas. Just as we entered the intersection and it looked like we would sail right through unscathed, Darren decided to make a hard right and try to turn the corner. This was of course news to me and the vehicle immediately flipped on to it’s side and slide into the middle of the intersection with me on top of Darren.

Once we came to a stop, I simply asked Darren is he was ok and we quickly picked ourselves up, turned the “car” right side up and hoped back  on board. There was several onlookers who rushed over to see if we were ok, including a man who ran out from the restaurant and had a look on his face like he had just seen a ghost.

We rushed from the scene in shock and took a few minutes to digest what had just happened. We had flipped on our left side so Darren had absorbed most of the blow and had landed on his left shoulder and knee. As you can see from these pictures, our knees are pretty beat up. I remember making fun of Darren for making such a bad decision and suffering as a result, when he suddenly looked down and noticed that my knee was pretty chewed up too. I was sitting the right side of the vehicle and still managed to rip apart my knee. Oh, and we also stopped and figured out how to use the brakes.

This was by far the most memorable episode of the entire adventure, but far from the last.

We ended up circling the community for hours and made friends from all corners of the globe. We actually starting giving people lifts home and managed to fit 5 spanish guys on the cart at once. We also encoutered a Korean girl in tears who had no idea what hotel she was staying at and had lost her friends. We picked her up and drove around for awhile until by chance we found someone she recognized from her tour group who helped her safely back to her hotel. Another valuable service provided to the community.

The final chapter of our story involved a new friend who loved the “car” as much as we did, maybe more. His name was Doug, he had a british accent and looked like Side Show Bob from the Simpsons. We called him Side Show Doug.

Doug joined us very late in the festivities but proved himself to be a valuable asset. He abandoned the group of friends he was with so he could join us and didn’t mind sitting on the back. He really won us over when he volunteered to drive the car down a flight of approximately 40 stairs. He was an admirable addition to our squad and added a little UK flavour to our Canada-US partnership.

The best part about Doug was when he informed us that since he had separated from his group of friends to join our crusade, that he had no place to stay. Without thinking twice, Darren and I offered to let him stay with us as we were already sleeping in a room with at least 10 other stangers and Doug practically felt like family at this point. I’ll never forget hearing Katie and Kirsten wake up the next morning, notice the guy sleeping at their feet and quietly whisper to each other, “Who’s that guy?”

That’s so Side Show Doug. No pillow, just using his hand and happy to have a roof over his head. Once again, another valuable service provided to the community.

As fate would have it, after escorting scores of people safely back to their hotels/minbaks, we came upon one last lost soul as we headed back to our place just after sunrise. It was the Canadian who had lung surgery we had met shortly before our adventure began. He couldn’t find his hotel, but he knew he was close. We had become such experts on the neighbourhood, that once he gave me a description, I was able to escort him home safely within minutes. Another satisfied customer.

Some may say that we committed a theft and acted recklessly. I prefer to focus on the positives and all the good deeds that we performed as a result of this “temporary” theft. One might even call us modern day Robin Hoods. Regardless of your position, I’m proud of the service we provided and slept (un)comfortably on the floor with a clear conscious and Darren snoring.

As we left the hotel the next morning, our “car” had mysteriously vanished, hopefully back to its rightful owner as we had “borrowed” it from less then a block away. For a second, I wondered if the whole thing had just been a dream, until I started walking and felt the gash on my knee. I hope it never heals.

Editor’s Note: I may or may not have video of me someone shooting roman candles from their crotch in a park. I wanted to include it in this post but the content is questionnable due to mature themes and inappropriate language. Feel free to email me if you’re over the age of 18.