2009: An Asian Odyssey

Sleeping June 29, 2009

This picture has nothing to do with Korea.

However, it’s still one of my favourite pictures which I’ve been looking for an excuse to post on this blog since its creation. Fortunately, it couldn’t be more perfect or more relevant to the content of this post.

The picture was taken about two years ago shortly after we moved into our new condo in Montreal. Katie almost always went to bed before I did and greeted me upon arrival sound asleep with her body contorted in various awkward positions. This one was too good to ignore so I snapped a picture with my blackberry and its made me laugh ever since.

Another byproduct of her earlier bedtime was that she was often well into her sleep cycle and had a tendency to talk in her sleep. She usually wouldn’t say more than a word of two but sometimes it would be something amusing which I would try to remember to make fun of her for the next morning. Sometimes her banter could be traced back to some current event or issue at hand, but usually it was just rambling or random words.

Well these sleep patterns haven’t changed much at all. I go to bed even later than before as I don’t have to get up until 8:45am and she’s almost always in bed asleep before I arrive. But for some reason, she’s taken this whole sleep talking thing to unprecedented levels.

Random words have been replaced with full blown sentences. Mumbling while tossing and turning have become body actions incorporated into her statements. It’s amazing. Sometimes I actually think she’s talking to me until I respond and the room remains completely silent. Other times I would almost be asleep myself when she would utter something amusing and I would do my best to remember what she said the next day, but would often forget. Now, no matter how tired I am or what time it is, I laugh out loud and get up out of bed to write it down. Some of these are too good to forget.

I’m trying to limit my blog posts to 1200 words so I’ll provide you all with only three of my favourites.

1)  “Why do you keep writing it?!” – This was said in a fairly angry tone which sort of scared me. I wasn’t writing in bed so I knew she wasn’t talking to me.

2) “Put your toys away, NOW!” – This was said in an even angrier tone. I didn’t have any toys in bed with me that night, so I knew she wasn’t yelling talking to me.

3) “Very good everyone, your speeches were amazing.” – This one was the best because she said it as she rolled over and managed to clap her hands a few times. It was classic. It was also nice to here her praise her kids in her sleep as opposed to getting mad at them.

The great part of this whole thing is that if I ever want to know about something that’s bothering her and I don’t feel like asking her about it, all I have to do is pull an all-nighter, pull up a chair and wait for the show to begin. It’s also become clear that she’s such a good teacher because she’s basically doing it 24/7. If she isn’t in class during the day with her children, she’s at home praising me for not spilling on my shirt while eating, or disciplining me for leaving the toilet seat up. Then once she goes to sleep, she’s back in her sub-conscious classroom prepping for tomorrow’s lesson. She’s a true professional.

Speaking of sleeping, a few of the teachers who preceded us at our school shared a little game with us which was a big hit with their kids. The game is called Sleepy Lion and it’s one of the greatest gifts ever given to me. The premise of the game is simple. The children have to lie on the carpet in dead silence and not move for as long as possible. If you’re caught moving you have to go back to the table and sit in your chair in complete silence. Next to hockey and golf, it’s the greatest game known to mankind.

 Now, if I had my way, I would probably play Sleepy Lion a couple hours a day, but this is one of those games that isn’t exactly encouraged by the administration, so you have to pick your spots. I try to avoid playing it unless I have 5 minutes to kill at the end of class, or I’m hung-over on Friday and want to join in on the game myself.

The best part of the game is that the kids absolutely love it. You could inject them with caffeine and get them to run laps around the classroom, but as soon as you say Sleepy Lion they can lapse into a coma on command. Two girls in my class are on a whole other level compared to the other students. Jessica and Sally are the Federer and Nadal of Sleepy Lion. I would put them up against any other kids in the school and it wouldn’t even be close. Jessica is one of the most hyper and energetic children in my class. She laughs at everything, and I mean everything, but the second that she hits the carpet she goes to a special place. No matter what I do to make her laugh or flinch, she just stares back blankly at me as if I’m not even there. It’s incredible.

Federer, Nadal, and Djokovic?

 Here’s some video of my class in action (maybe “action” isn’t the right word). As you’ll see, the boys (Bob Jack & Nathan) never fare as well. The third girl in my class, Adela sometimes contends with Jessica and Sally, but it almost always comes down to Federer vs Nadal. I guess Adela would be considered Djokovic or Murray and if you don’t know what I’m talking about – shame on you. As you can see, I’ve given this a great deal of thought and may even start a ranking system similar to the ATP so that I can seed them for future competition. Enjoy.

Now if only I could train my wife to be as quiet as my class while she’s sleeping.